Fair warning, this book is about gay marriage. If that is a topic you object too, don't say you weren't warned and provided the option to stop reading this review.
As the book jacket says, "Dan Savage’s mother wants him to get married. His boyfriend, Terry, says “no thanks” because he doesn’t want to act like a straight person. Their six-year-old son DJ says his two dads aren’t “allowed” to get married, but that he’d like to come to the reception and eat cake. Throw into the mix Dan’s straight siblings, whose varied choices form a microcosm of how Americans are approaching marriage these days, and you get a rollicking family memoir that will have everyone—gay or straight, right or left, single or married—howling with laughter and rethinking their notions of marriage and all it entails." I loved this book. It was interesting, funny, thought provoking without being preachy, and timely. I found myself telling people about it and reading portions of it to them. In 2004, Dan Savage is a sex advice columnist who has been with his partner for 10 years and the two are adoptive parents to a 6 year old boy named DJ. Two things happened that year. The gay marriage debate exploded when Massacusetts became the first state to issue same sex marriage licenses and Mr. Savage's own relationship was turning 10 years old and they wanted to throw a party to mark the occasion.
This book is more a memoir that happens to include a "social commentary", but that's because he can't escape the "social commentary". I admit it's a topic that I haven't had much reason to examine, except to believe that all American citizens should have access to the same benefits. Mr. Savage takes on most of the traditional arguments against gay marriage and refutes them in a way that is both personal and backed with well researched studies, cultural, and historical examples. I particularly like the example at the end of chapter 8.
But it's the memoir part that makes you laugh out loud. Mr. Savage is a witty, neurotic, outspoken. big city boy worrier. The book starts with Dan, Terry and DJ on a cross country trip from Washington State to Michigan to spend a two week vacation with Dan's family. Dan agrees to drive 1,500 miles from the "artsy-fartsy island where we live...to an artsy-fartsy resort town on Lake Michigan" and as he puts it,"...It was a strategic, insincere agreement. Two weeks before we were supposed to leave, I played my trump card: Driving to Michigan and back would mean driving through-not to mention sleeping, eating, and going to the bathroom in-some of the least welcoming places for gays and lesbians in the country: the reddest of the dreaded Red States. 'Gay couples driving across Montana or South Dakota aren't on a road trip, Terry,' I said. "They are on a suicide mission."
It's sections like this or the bit about the dog, or when they visit the wedding expo, or trying to book the location for their party that make this book stick with me. The author is a sex advice columnist and the language is reflective of this and no topic is off limits. I would recommend this book in a heartbeat. I also didn't realize until after finishing the book that Dan and Terry were the ones who had started the "It gets better" project.
(Originally posted 01/08/2012)
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